Hello peeps

HURT

15/12/23     22:32hrs

I am deeply hurt. I am wounded. I am trying to get up, but it is seeming impossible. My body hurts. My mind... well, I cannot stop it from wandering, thinking all sorts. Making my body tired. Tired enough, that I do not wish to wake up the next morning. If I do not have support to rise up; if I do not find someone to pull me up?  I am afraid that would be the end of me. All my bones are broken, so I can't do it on my own. I need help. This is an emergency S.O.S 

 

15/12/22023

21:25hrs

Not been here in a while.

Today, I have a story to tell

But others might not take it well

It don't matter; it is my story

Not their story, but

Mine story.

 

LAST LEG... LAST STRAW

I have been rejected too many times. Don't know if I can take another one. Been hurt too many times, don't know if I can withstand it. Been neglected too many times, don't know if I can handle it. My heart is void, broken into micro pieces...I can no longer mend it. Do not know how to, anymore.I tried all the glues possible. Last straw, last breath. last energy. Because, there is no more glue. I can no longer FIX ME. I now await a miracle...

 

 

0150hrs

25/05/2023

 

"I don't know how i am still walking and how I am still breathing, and yet I died a long time ago." KD.W

 

 

"There are some people in our lives, who are better off loved from a distance in order to have a healthy relationship."

KD.W   

17:26hrs   /18/05/23

 

 

Jehovah Dear father

PLEASED DO NOT TAKE AWAY THIS FREEDOM AWAY FROM ME.

THIS FREEDOM I HAVE WITHIN MY VERY OWN PRISON.

FOR I AM FREE WITHIN.

AMEN

KD.W

 

"Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven"

 

 

 

THE SYSTEM… this is dedicated to my brother Scoutahfilly

 

They will politically manipulate you.

If you go  against them, they will politically and LEGALLY change the laws to justify their reasons for being inadequate.

They will change the laws (with immediate effect!!!) to justify their faults, failures, mistakes and even accidents.

(I think that they need to be reminded that sometimes unfortunate accident happen.) They do not take responsibility because they MUST come out clean from the sewer; just like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.

But you see, Dufresne was always clean before shit got to him.

The SYSTEM got to him.

Nobody needs to know that I was in the sewer right…!!!?

So lets get moving!

You.. get me a new suit!

You !…call my barber?

You…! do this  do that… As long as I come out clean.”

But how many of us are suffering because of that system?

Because, they have to come out of the other side

Looking CLEAN… Whatever it takes.

 

KD,W

24/03/23

19:39

 

Today’s feeling...

 

I feel as if my soul has divorced my body.

My body feels like an empty shell.

Each sound echoes… on and beyond.

I reach out for my soul; but it is not there…

I am just an empty shell.

Hollow.

 

Today, I sit upon to seek my soul.

I shall call out, see if it recognises thee voice.

If not, I will keep searching.

Through dark woods. Through busy streets.

Even dark alleyways.

I am determined not to stop.

 

Yes,… I understand that could be a risk.

A risk that  could further adrift me from my soul.

But TODAY…

I must search.

 

KD.W

16/03/2023

18:56 P.M

 

 

MY Madness  by KD.W

 

My madness is the need to be loved.

The need to be cared for.

The need to be touched.

The need to be paid attention to.

The need to share intimacy.

The need for affection.

The need for happiness.

The need for peace.

The need for HARMORNY.

The need to be heard.

The need not to be judged when I speak or behave.

The need to have somebody carry me in their thoughts everyday.

My madness is… NOT satisfying my needs.

 

 

02/12/2022

They say, "hurt people, hurt people. They also say, "broken people, save broken people".

My experience is that, each time I try to save a broken person, I end up breaking the pieces of me that had been left alone.

I lost a dear friend a couple of weeks ago. It hurt. It still hurts, but I have gone past the breaking point. I almost had a breakdown. Not so much for the loss, but for the betrayal and the lies and the sequence of events. I was broken, but not beyond repair.

"The greatest soldiers face the hardest fight".

 

 

 

HANGING BY THE THREAD

I am hanging by the thread

It hurts because it too thin

Cutting through my palms. I am bleeding

But I got to hang on. I MUST hang on.

Although I do not see the point. I am exhausted.

Everywhere I go, I see people,

Colours, smells. Events, dreams, nightmares!

All reminders. Reminders of my past.

Reminders of my weaknesses

They imprisoned me for three years, thought that would help;

But no…, they made it worse

Now I have a salad of memories ; followed by the emotions

The loss of freedom. Freedom of my own being.

I am engulfed with fear.

Afraid every second of the day.

Come quick, please come quick.

Either to revive or to end. Please come quick

Written by KD.W

Ammmended 30/11/22

23:52

 

25th October 2022

19:08 PM

Everyone has a conscience

"Your conscience will judge your every single action.

The voice of your flesh, is your feelings.

The voice of your soul, is your emotions.

The voice of your spirit, is your conscience."

Lion of Judah

 

 

LIVE OR DIE

It does not matter any more. My heart has been hurting since I was a little girl. I am one of those you can call "unusual". I have realised that I was not created like anyone else.

Right now, my future is in HHJ *?%$.

She holds the keys to my future or my death. I need to ask a question… How does a fellow human being decide when another human being deserves to live or die? I chose those two words carefully and orderly, ‘live and die.’  That is where I am at right now, between life and death. ‘Do or die.’

KiDe

7th October 2021

2022hrs

 

 

ALCOHOLISM…the disease

Many of us are going through this problem each day. Some are experiencing it, whilst others are witnessing.

Alcoholism is an illness, like any other; it needs treatment.

I shared with you the 12 steps; on my page. Speak to Him, however you know Him. We each have a different picture in our minds of how God looks like; that IS the God of your OWN UNDERSTANDING.

One's God can never be the same, that is why we are unique in our own image. Even twins have their own features and or characteristics that tell them apart.

But, no matter how similar they are, no one else can ever have your ‘own’ uniqueness.  

That is how GOD is everywhere, He is with you and each and every one of us. For He created us in HIS OWN image.

KiDe

28th March 2022

 

 

THE TWELVE STEPS…

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

AA

 

 

The Lord's my Shepherd - Psalm 23. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

the DEVIL ; the DESTROYER

Sometimes the devil is standing right in front of you. You do not see him because of his mesmerising eyes. His perfectly shaped face and teeth which make his smile vacuum you. You fall in love with his hair. His bravery. His courage and his many talents.

All his qualities make you feel safe, comfortable, and fearless. You relax and you close your eyes because you are in your comfort zone. He waits…waiting to pounce. He is a green snake hiding in green grass. He is a lion hiding within the golden grass.. a crocodile just beneath the shallow waters.

But he soon comes out to catch his prey. Devil’s true intentions will soon come to be. You might be lucky if you are a chameleon, because you can disguise whenever you want, however you want and as many times as you want. However, luck does not last very long. In the devils world…he will soon catch on.  When that happens, he will punish you ten folds more than the expected sentence.

Remember, he learnt from the BEST.

The fact is that, he is a devil. He inflicts fear and violence in order to hold on to his throne. He will kill innocent people because he can. He will destroy beautiful families, because he can. He will thieve and rob and beat you, to near death.

Punishing innocent people because of Power. But, the devil shall not conquer. He will perish. Soon, he is going to be unmasked. To those with chains around their wrists which do not belong to them; don’t worry.  And for those who have invisible chains, you too will be set loose. Sad; but reality… with a happy ending.

KiDe

April '22

 

 

PAIN...

After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs.

The stiff heart questions, ‘was it He that bore?’ And ‘yesterday or centuries before’.

The feet mechanical, go round. A wooden way of ground, or air, or ought, regardless grown

A quartz contentment, like a stone. This is the hour of lead remembered if outlived

As freezing persons recollect the snow. First chill, then stupor, then letting go.

 

by Emily Dickinson

K

 

If it were not true, why would it keep re-occurring? At first you convince yourself that you are going crazy. Until it keeps reoccurring. It is then, that you know.

And when you know.... you know

KD.W

 

 

Keep me strong dear Jehovah

I do not wish to go back to those I said I should leave behind.

I left them for a good reason.

I have nothing against them, my heart is clean.

But I must set free.

No more pain.

No more hurt.

And those I am picking up,

let me not destroy.

by KD.W

1625HRS  - 16/03/23

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